sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
