enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
