I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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