Having a random hookup so left but love u
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
