bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
