I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
