it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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