So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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