She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
