There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
