sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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