Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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