He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
