So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
