His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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