I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wanna go halves on a baby?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
