bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
