my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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