i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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