The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
