would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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