who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize