Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
