They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
