today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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