Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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