you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
