I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
where does the pee come out of this thing
im holly from the hills drunk
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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