i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just threw up on my dentist
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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