It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
