Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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