I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
