He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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