Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
