We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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