Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
