I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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