Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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