I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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