my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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