why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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