Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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