It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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