is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could fuck to npr.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
