she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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