No stitches, just platelets and will power
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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