remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
