Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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