Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
