I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
