I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
