how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
