this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
