I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
