Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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