Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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