think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
