The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
