it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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