He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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