What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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