Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
