I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
