Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
