I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
