Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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