You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
