I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
