Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are two peas in an std pod
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
