I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she peed on how many people?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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