They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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