I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
