You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize