everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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