You just made me feel so damn special
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
